I've been incommunicado for the last couple of days because I was organizing and helping to run the big-ass garage sale we put together for Chicago Choral Artists, a choral group that I am on the board of. Who knew that garage sales were so exhausting? First there was much schlepping about the city and suburbs by myself, Sean and his minions to pick stuff up, then last weekend pricing, then picking up more stuff in Brookfield -- nice zoo, lousy drive -- then setting up and selling.

The sharks were circling as soon as the garage door opened on Friday -- I was not there to witness this, being stuck on the expressway -- and Lynn and Gary had to basically beat people away with shovels just so they could get stuff out of the garage and priced. We had one woman put something on hold so she could go get money, and another woman swooped into try to buy the item while she was gone, yelling at me that she'd pay more. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to go back on my word to someone. Sheesh. Friday was a zoo, and Saturday was comparatively dead, but we raised some money and that's what we needed. Lynn and Gary were fabulous for giving up their garage/house/privacy for the weekend. Huzzah.

Last night went out with the Girls' (and Boys') Night Out group to see Swordfish, a truly stinky movie. The first bit, with the spontaneously focusing camera, made Kat lean over to me and say "We really should shoot the cinematographer," but he/she made up for it all with the next scene. Then it all went downhill. Comments from the group:

1) Hackers don't look like that. If they did, they'd have groupies.
2) Hackers don't get "serviced" like that. If they did, there'd be a hell of a lot more hackers.
3) He's typing. That's what hackers do. They type. No amount of funky music or flashing lights or actorly histrionics can disguise the fact that he's JUST TYPING, DAMMIT. Stop trying to make it exciting. It won't work.
4) Did John Travolta piss off the Facial Hair Gods or what?
5) Halle Berry's golf swing apparently wasn't that great. No one noticed.
6) Halle Berry's topless scene was poorly staged and fully gratuitous. However, if I had breasts like that, I'd agree to poorly staged and fully gratuitous topless scene at the drop of an imaginary hat.
7) Why get undressed with the door open?
8) Oh. Well that was stupid.
9) That was subtle
10) Oh. I guess subtlety wasn't really the point.
11) The helicopter pilot is toast.
12) No child that young should be wearing lipstick and eye shadow. I don't care if she does have a goddamned porn king for a stepfather.
13) And that furry vest is reason enough to grant Stan custody.
14) Yeah, she'd still be hanging on the the giraffe, or whatever it was.
15) Yeah, he'd still be hanging on to the gun.
16) Hugh Jackman in a towel. Thank you.
17) Don Cheadle -- what was it, alimony? Back taxes? God, I'm sorry, man. Try temping next time instead. It leaves fewer lasting effects.

Overall -- Big Stinky Piece of Cheese. Just the kind of movie that the G(aB)NO group likes. We apologize to anyone in the theater who was trying to take the movie seriously but come one. If you weren't laughing at the typing music and the bus and such, you obviously have been brainwashed by the Evil Hollywood Establishment.