Happy birthday Mary! You are, as always, funny as hell. I'll miss you when you hie on back to Jersey.

Other stuff: the New York Times ran an article about Coca-Cola's war against (free) tap water, taking a couple of case studies/internal PR/whatever that Coke had posted on its site. (Needless to say, Coca Cola Co. has no problem with the bottled water it sells...) It's been up there for about three years with no one noticing it, apparently. I've got to start surfing corporate BS sites more often.(You have to register, but jeez, people it's the New York Times. It's worth it.)

Selected quotes:

Water. It's necessary to sustain life, but to many Casual Dining restaurant chains it contributes to a dull dining experience for the customer. Many customers choose tap water not because they enjoy it, but because it is what they always have drunk in the past. In response, some restaurant chains are implementing programs to help train crews to sell alternative choices to tap water, like soft drinks and noncarbonated beverages, with the goal of increasing overall guest satisfaction. Oh yeah. I'm seeing "increasing overall guest satisfaction" as the main motive here.

[T]he Olive Garden has recently sent a powerful message to the entire restaurant industry — less water and more beverage choices mean happier customers.....

Olive Garden restaurants, like many other Casual Dining locations, were facing a high water incidence rate. ... Aieeeeeee! We've had another water incident! Alert the National Guard! Will no one be able to make these water incidences stop?

Look! A savior on the horizon!

The Olive Garden asked Coca-Cola USA- Fountain (CCUSA-Fountain) to help them create their beverage plan. CCUSA-Fountain stepped up to the plate and suggested a tap water reduction program named H2NO. ... a crew education kit containing information about beverage suggestive selling techniques (a technique used when a server suggests a profitable beverage in place of water to the customer during the ordering process). ....Restaurant managers and servers use the kit to emphasize the wide range of beverage selections available, including soft drinks, non-carbonated beverages and alcohol. As a side effect, overall check averages should increase. ...What a coincidence! Who would have thunk it!

[A]lmost all participating restaurants realized significant increases in beverage sales and reduced levels of tap water incidence — a strong indication that Olive Garden restaurants succeeded in enhancing the customer's dining experience. Yeah. That's what they were enhancing.

Another fun quote: Water conversion can be a win for consumers too — their meal will always be enhanced by a quality beverage choice. . . which, to my mind, precludes the selection of Coca Cola.

I love corporate America. It's so fun.

The pissy thing is, I tend to order soda water when I go out to eat, because I prefer it to tap water. Now I'm thinking of just sticking with tap water out of spite. Harumph.

Tripp launched a new blog about his quest for funding for seminary. Cool. You go, boy.

The interns are leaving today (although Pat will be coming back the week after next). Esther, in her exit interview, said something to the effect of This internship really made me realize that I can't spend my life writing stuff like this. Thanks for reminding me. Then I checked out Mary's blog, and she's making unemployment look really, really nice. Sigh.

(Don't worry, Wendy, I'm not going to do anything rash. I know I have to pay my half of the mortgage. It's all good. Sigh....)