More blog and cable modem trauma. Most distressing. So I apolgize for the delay in updating. AT&T Broadband is going to owe me big for this….

So when I don’t blog for a while, I build up rants/pithy comments/stories/etc. Lucky you. Here goes:

I spent entirely too long at Kristin and Maneesh’s barbecue on Sunday. In true Jersild fashion, I had brought entirely too much food (I marinated a bunch of steak-kabob cubes, but no veggies – I figured I could barter steak for veggies. I was wrong.) So anyway, I had about three full skewers worth of cow, and which far more than I can eat, especially after the various “snacky jobbies” that K&M provided. So I was wandering around the barbecue saying “Anyone want some cow?” Strangely, I didn’t have many takers with that approach. Hmmm. Anyway, Dawn ended up having some, as she had come at the last minute without providing herself with a meal, and Maneesh snacked on the rest. Good. I hate to see a cow go to waste.

We also had increasingly drunk people traipsing back and forth to the computer to take thespark.com tests – The Gay Test, The Slut Test, The Purity Test, The Bitch Test and The Death Test. We had some pretty gay, bitchy, slutty people at that party, let me tell you. I think the highest Gay score was 78% -- and, interestingly enough, I discovered the questions are different depending on whether you identify yourself as gay or straight, male of female. I can safely say that the straight female questions were the tamest. Not once in my quiz was the practice of fisting brought up. While I’m sure I should be indignant about that on some level, I actually think I’m ok with that. (the highest slut score was 79%, but we question the accuracy of some of her responses.)

Megan stopped by on her way from Minneapolis to Atlanta on Monday (she has the coolest jobs), and only the threat of serious monsoon rains kept us from going to Ravinia for the cannons and such. Alas. However, I did go out that bright and sunshiney morning to get a bunch of picnic fixings, as I was anticipating a crowd at Ravinia. I now have lots of cheese and dips. Wendy, break in whenever you want to grab some Brie and such.

Movies:

Monkeybone
Eh, ok. You could definitely tell it was from the Producer of A Nightmare before Christmas, not the Director. Tim Burton, why waste your time on big-budget “reimaginings” when you could tackle cool concepts like this?

High Fidelity
Quite good. Kinda depressing – “Love means giving up all pretensions of finding great romance.” Maybe it does, but I’m not there yet. I’m also not dating, so that may mean that my ideals are askew. Great music. Jack Black is fabulous. So’s John Cusack. And I could swear they filmed the office scenes in my building, as we have Joan Cusack’s view.

Psycho Beach Party
It sure was a fun cast to look at (Xander surfing!). Pretty funny. Thomas Gibson’s rhyming couplets, Chiclet’s fugue states, fun with homoeroticism, deep analysis of cheesy 50’s horror movies, and a dance war to boot. Cool.

Miss Congeniality
OK, this I’m going to rant about. There will also be spoilers, so if you haven’t seen it and care, skip this bit.

First off, beauty pageants. OK, fine, I get that there is, in fact, scholarship money involved, and that the women who win do get to espouse a cause. And, say, 50 years ago, when scholarship money/loans weren’t as easy to come by, maybe these pageants made a difference. Now, I’d imagine, they’re just one of the more humiliating ways to beg for money. As for the cause, what are we supposed to think: “Hey, that chick looks good in a bikini, I’m sure her views on AIDS research are sound and well-reasoned.” Not that looking good in a bikini precludes that. They just have nothing to do with each other.

Yes, I can see women stripping away the patriarchal trappings and using the pageant against itself. I appreciated the “To all you lesbians out there, if I can make it this far, so can you!” bit, as that’s a cool way to subvert to pageant for your own ends. I still think they’re a humiliating throwback. Why should a “scholarship program”, if that’s what it is, include a bit where you walk around in heels and a bathing suit? Or an evening gown, for that matter? Urf.

The “Hey, these are really smart chicks!” thing they tried, with the revelation that Miss Rhode Island was studying nuclear physics…. Too little too late, assholes. You’d already established that she was an idiot ditz.

But the part that pissed me off the most was the whole “We’re pigs, you love us” way they treated the men of the FBI. No one ever said anything when they were playing dress-up with “unsuitable” FBI agents. No one objected (til far too late) that they were taking cameras into dressing rooms and ogling the nekkid women. And worst of all, Benjamin Bratt, who I’ll grant you is fun to look at, is a total womanizing, weak, kiss-ass, office-politicking schmuck throughout the movie, and we’re supposed to believe that Sandra Bullock would end up with him. She gets her legs waxed and gets pretty, and then B.B. deigns to notice her. Well fuck you, prettyboy – you like her or you don’t. I seriously doubt she’s going to keep waxing once this assignment is over. Are you going to keep dating her –or sleeping with her? Harumph. I’d have liked it better if she took him out when he leaned in for that kiss at the end. Asshole.

I have no problem with wanting to look good. I would just rather women not feel like they have to spend all their time thinking about it, that they had to be pretty to get any attention/respect in the first place. To hell with that. Yes, I’m being naïve, and maybe just a little defensive (I don’t have three heads, but I won’t be entering any beauty pageants any time soon), but doesn’t that strike anyone else as sad and wrong?