I was flipping channels tonight, thought I'd watch a little bit of the Concert for New York, no big deal. Jesus. David Bowie was first up, and he played Heros, one of my favorite songs, so of course I'm singing along, and by the first repeat of the line "We can be heros" I start weeping. It's all just below the surface. I'm ashamed to admit it -- it feels self-indulgent. Who am I to weep? No one I know was killed, I haven't been touched, personally -- put I'm still in shock, I'm still on the edge, I still grieve for all the dead, for all the injured.... I wanted to be cynical, I want to be distanced, but I can't. Even when we're talking about something that is blatently trying to pull the heartstrings -- Billy Joel singing New York State of Mind, at the moment -- and I'm barely holding it together.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't know if I'll post it.