In the tradition of (i.e., as a blatent rip-off of without actually being as funny as) The Brunching Shuttlecocks fabulous Phantom Menace Speed Ratings, I present my LOTR Speed Ratings:

Quick Draw McLegolas: A
"And the award for versatility with an arrow goes to...": A
Peter Jackson's inexplicable fascination with Cate Blanchett's eyes: C-
Does anyone in this freakin' movie have brown eyes?: D
Forced perspective: A+
Gandalf's tobacco skills : B+ (Eric gives them an A-)
Fuzzy toes-a-go-go: C
Next on WWF: The Elf-Dwarf smackdown!: B
"I am Ozymandias -- Look upon my giant toenails, ye mighty, and despair!": A
Is Gandalf breakdancing?: D
Somebody tell me what fabric treatment Saruman uses: B
Luna moths: A
New Zealand as a whole: A+
The white plastic gazebos of Rivendell: C-
Lorien's stairways a la strangler fig: B (Wendy gives them an A)
I want a Hobbit Hole (with higher ceilings): A+
The hobbit-pecked Elrond : B
"You need people of intelligence for this mission...quest... thing.... Where are we going?": B
Foreplay with swords while a hobbit lies in peril: D
"Nobody tosses a dwarf": B+
"Lean forward": A+
"I don't think he knows about second breakfast": B
Ringwraiths: A
"Run" with a shrug, as I go confront this ravenning horde of Uruk-Hai all on my lonesome: B+
Boromir's defense of the hobbits: A+
"We go we go" "But you're still here!": D (Yeah, I know, it's in the book)
Lotti: "Because those are just the most big-hearted hobbits in the whole world!": A
"Let's hunt some Orcs": C
Gimli's response to the above: B+
Having to wait another year for the next movie: F-

The funny stuff came from Wendy, Lotti, John, Andy and Eric. The lame stuff is mine.

Go see the movie. It's great. I creates the world to such an extent that you are sucked in and don't notice that it's a three-hour movie. Poor wee Lotti, who doesn't know the books and didn't know they'd filmed three movies simultaneously, was screaming "Wait, that's it?!" at the credits, because she wanted to know what happened next. God, it's good.

It is not, however, a children's movie. It's pretty damn scary. Don't take the rug rats, unless you want to deal with nightmares for several weeks.

See it now. Then see it again. I'll probably try to catch another showing over the weekend. Yes, it's that good.