Responses to the writing question: Newton, as always, was ever-so-helpful.

The best motivation towards written communication is a paranoid suspicion that nobody ever listens to a word you say. Try smoking dope.

Um, thanks, I think. I'm already pretty sure I'm shouting into the void most days, so I don't know if dope would necessarily help. Thanks for thinking of me?

Jane had more practical tips:

I write to make money. That's it. Once every few years I write something for pleasure, but somewhere years ago I stopped writing for fun and started writing because that's how I get paid. Actually, in my current job I hardly write at all, so unless it's a freelance gig, I pretty much don't write anymore. Sometimes this bothers me. The last thing I wrote that wasn't an actual assignment was a travel article on my trip to Greenland. I never got around to pitching it to editors, but I did use it as a clip when a travel magazine contacted me to write the fear of flying thing. Voila, here is my travel writing clip. So, it comes in handy.

I write, which implies that I take writing assignments from editors, because it involves receiving checks with two or three zeroes at the end, and those do wonders for my retirement fund and my house down-payment fund. Every time I cringed at the thought of spending another sunny weekend doing tedious editing, I pictured a cozy little bungalow with Sarah gardening in the back yard and Tim the greyhound snoozing by the fire.

OK, so far, so good. I get the money motivation. Then comes the tough part:

I hate to say it, but breaking into this is going to require selling yourself, and that's going to require self esteem, or at least the ability to fake it.

Well, fuck.Because that's the bit I seem to have trouble with. Who neesd more of the same stuff? See, here's the deal: I'm perfectly capable of writing stuff on demand. I'm good at it, even. I know it's wanted. And because I know it's already got a life of its own, I don't really care about it. That's not to say I don't give a crap about the writing -- I want what I write to be good, and I take pride in it. I can string words together like nobody's business. Where I get stuck is in pitching something that no one has asked for. There's a certain effrontry, ballsiness, to say "Listen to me. I know what' I'm talking about. I'm interesting -- or at least my take on the world is." This is something I admire a lot about Andy -- he definitely knows his own worth, he knows he's talented and he's not afraid to let other people know it. (Don't get cocky, Andy -- you're still a punk-ass kid, you still need an editor, and I'll still kick your ass some day just on general principle.)

So how does this mesh with having a blog? For some reason, it doesn't count. I figure it's only read by people who arlready know me, if by anyone at all, and that makes it ok. I have no idea what my traffic is like (although I have gotten some mail from The BarCodeKing, so I know someone I don't know personally is reading this -- freaky) and I'm probably ok with that. Or not. Hell, I don't know. I'm not making sense.

I'm afraid this has devolved into snivelling. I do apologize.