And now, at the request of one of Fiendish Plot's faithful readers, a fictional post. See if you can guess 1) the subject; and 2) how quick this will lead to my permissions being yanked.

Grrrr. I had to chase out two different groups of burglars from the house today when I got home from the movie (a triple feature of Lord of the Rings, Spiderman, then Lord of the Rings again). They had the nerve to show me the contract they had with each other, where one bunch got the stuff in the living room and the other got the bedroom. And they told me to buy a better TV. I called the cops, and they sent over a couple of undercover vice guys. They were here right away, which I appreciate; turns out they were working a sting at the crackhouse across the street.

Warning: I feel a rant coming on.

Why is it that the Taste of Chicago is so crowded? I just wanted to get some pizza, and then there's like ten billion people wandering around Grant Park! I tried to get some help on answering that question, to no avail.

sjerslix: Hey, why is the Taste of Chicago so crowded?
{ex-boyfriend #1}: wh---? what's going on? why did you call me and wake me up and tell me to get on irc?
sjerslix: I'm so pissed! I didn't get my pizza!
xbf1: sarah, it's 4am here. you do remember i'm in denmark, right?
sjerslix: Hold on, I'll ask {ex-boyfriend #2}, too
sjerslix: Good, you're there. Why is Taste of Chicago so crowded?
xbf2: Um, I dunno Sarah. I've never been to Chicago, remember?
xbf1: can i go back to bed now, please...
Coworker that I've dated a couple of times but was never really a boyfriend: What? What's the emergency Sarah?
sjerslix: There were 30 people in line for fried smelt dung. Don't even ask about the pizza booth!
cw: Um, okay...
xbf2:Can I go now?
xbf1: zzzzzzz....

No help at all.

Now it's off to the unemployment office. They weren't real amused last week when I asked them if they could wire my benefits to the Rome Cavalieri Hilton for the next month. Bastards.