OK, a little more France stuff, then back to real life. Sigh.

The barge we were on was the Clair de Lune, on the Canal du Midi. This is probably the nicest, most luxurious trip I will ever take (especially considering I'm now a freelance writer and not likely to make big bucks on stock options.)

They have a guest book passengers write in at the end of the trip. Some people get very creative, pasting in collages and such. We mocked these overachievers. Then we drafted out a couple of top-10 lists to go into the book. What can I say -- the Jersilds are a competitive lot.

List one: The Top 10 dinner conversations (as overheard by Anna, much to her confusion)

10.The Jersild family trait of making things up as they go along.
Really -- we all do this, but Dad and I are more prone to it than the others. I guess the propensity to talk with great authority on topics about which you know absolutely nothing is an occupational hazard of journalists and lawyers.

9. Why doesn't this boat have an atlas?
Over the years, I've gotten much better about admitting when I'm actually talking out my ass. Tragically, my sisters now suspect absolutely everything that comes out of my mouth. The instance in question was Laura's plan to visit friends in Moscow and then pop down to Kiev. I said they're really far away -- like, New York to L.A. far. Ok, the actual distance was a guess, but they are really not close. really. We raised the question to Dad, who said, with great confidence, "1,000 miles." "Really? How do you know that.?" "I don't. I just picked a number." See? See? It's not just me!
(Just so you know, we were both wrong -- it's about 469 miles as the crow flies. But it's more than 13 hours driving, according to MapBlast. That counts as "Very far away," as far as I'm concerned.)

8. Ich bin ein Jelly Donut
Andi told me about this one. JFK actually got it a bit wrong in his famous speech at the Berlin wall -- A Berliner, apparently, is a jelly donut. To say "I am a a resident of Berlin, or one with the people of Berlin", it's just "Ich bin Berliner." My dad loved that. And used it as the launching point for a rant on how journalists would never give W. Bush the benefit of the doubt like that. True. but I still contend Dubya's an idiot.

7. The mysteries of the Pastis
I won't go into this. Suffice it to say, my mom is far too observant.

6. Ruth Ann Minner
One of my rants was on how you can't succeed in politics anymore unless you were attractive and photogenic, and that's a problem for everyone, because it means a lot of brilliant, qualified people don't get to serve because they're fat or bald or have bad teeth, while vapid, "good-looking" people like Dan Quayle and Joe Biden and such get elected. I contend this is especially expected of women, but men suffer from it too. My sisters brought up Ruth Ann Minner, the governor of Delaware, to refute me. I say she's the exception that proves the rule.
Anyway, we figure it will confuse the hell out of the next people who take the trip, because I'm guessing very few people know the name of the governor of Delaware. (Hell, I didn't.)

5. Anne Se.'s illustrious family history.
She was our guide and her father is the count of Toulouse and, um, something else. Cool.

4. Iguanas, armadillos and fearless grandmothers.
Note to self: Do not screw around with Jorge's family, especially after hearing the graphic tale of his grandmother's encounter with a recalcitrant iguana. Let's just say grandma went into the house with a broomstick and can out with iguana bits. Yipe.

3. Did this tablecloth begin its life as blue?/How does she fold those napkins?
There was a laundry incident. Anna was very apologetic, but we just thought it was funny as hell. (yes, the tablecloth was meant to be that color.) As for the napkins -- tuxedos, fleur des lis, roses and more. A different fold every dinner. And she learned them from a book in French!

2. Magnificent woodwork.
Inside the barge. Really, we have no idea how they cut those curves.

1. Possible ways to smuggle Nicholas into the U.S. so he can cook for us all the time.
Oh my god, could that man cook. I hate fish -- I don't eat salmon or tuna or anything -- and he made it taste great. Ditto the lamb, shrimp, beef, quiches, tarte citron, tarte aux chocolate, pastry swans on sugar lakes, and the amazing fireworks-laden cake for Dad's birthday. Wowie.

List two: Top 10 moments

10. Walking and biking the canal.
We slept on board the barge, but could get off to ride or walk wen ever we wanted. it's beautiful.

9. Discussing everything from politics to religion with Regis, a random passer-by.
Jorge was much better at speaking to the locals. First, he's not an introverted Northern-European type, and secondly, he's fluent. I tried to strike up a conversation with an old man on the canal who was walking (and swimming) his dogs, only to realize that I have the French conversational skills of a three-year-old. Sigh.

8. "It's fish time!" -- Nicholas.
Jorge lived in Montpellier when he studied in France, and one of the dishes he loved were these tiny little fish, fried and eaten whole (similar to acedías fritas, if you're into tapas.) Nicholas hunted them down and fried them up for us. He was so happy to find someone who knew and liked Southern French food.

7. Drinking and relaxing in a small-town cafe.

6. Nicholas enthusiastic cooking lessons.
Seriously. This guy was so into cooking that he shared his recipes with Laura and Amy, in french, at the end of the trip.

5. Keeping score on Laura and Jorge's French skills.
Both teach French to middle-schoolers. Both are fluent. Occasionally they'd disagree on a matter of French language. Anne Se. and Nicholas were happy to referee. The score: Laura 1, Jorge 2.

4. Champagne on the ceiling.
And it wasn't me who did it!

3. Discovering mom's fabulous petanque skills.
She kicked all our asses.

2. Hiking Anne Se.' s mountain in record time -- then seeing an elderly man on a mountain bike who put us all to shame.
I talked about the hike up the mountain. Even I made it faster than most -- but I was trying to keep up with my mom, who is a demon walker.

1. Every other moment on the boat.

It really was a fabulous experience. If you win a lottery, take this trip -- it was amazing, and everyone on board was incredibly good to us.