OK, which one of you asked for a mock-me post? Harumph.
I'm back. I'm dealing with a hell of a lot of mail, even more laundry, and an exceedingly needy cat. Wendy tells me Bug spent the two weeks sprawled out on the clothes I decided not to pack. Given the amount of cat hair, I believe her.
But you don't care about the cat hair. you want to know about France, right? I'm too tired to give you the whole rundown, so here's my theoretical FAQ:
Q: How was France?
A: Fabulous, thanks.
Q: How was your French?
A: Well, I could get by, but it was a hell of a lot easier letting one of the fluent people do the talking.
Q: Run into any rude French people?
A: A few. Most people were amazingly friendly and helpful, but there were a few nasty folks. I tend to look at them as tourist attractions: "Look! An authentic snotty Parisian! Quick, take a picture!" It really pisses them off.
Q: Did you get sunburned?
A: As I am of the pastey persuasion, yes. I even managed to get sunburned in Paris. This is something of a feat.
Q: Did you get drunk?
A: Hello, I was in France. Wine, Kir, Pastis, all the rest. So, hell yeah.
Q: Drunk enough to humiliate your sisters?
A: No, but I can do that without the aid of alcohol.
Q: Drunk enough to flirt with waiters?
A: See, here's the problem: Most of the time I was eating out with my drop-dead gorgeous sister. So I barely existed. Having said that, I managed when I ate on my own, and also with passport control functionaries in the airport. Why are all the hot men working at CDG all of a sudden?
Q: Did you get laid?
A: Look, I was sharing a room with my sister, then on a boat with my entire family. What do you think?
Q: Did you buy cool clothes?
A: Aforementioned hot sister is a size 6 or 8 in the US. She ended up fitting in size larges and extra-larges in Paris. Apparently, fat people need to have clothes airlifted in to Paris, as everyone there is emaciated.
Q: Did you eat well?
A: Hell yeah! Cheese, chocolate, wine.....Wait, are you implying something?
Q: Not at all. So, um, did you hit the museums and sites?
A: Louvre, Cluny (museum of the middle ages), Sainte Chappelle (amazing stained glass windows), Picasso, Rodin (love the sculpture garden), Notre Dame, Place des Vosge, Jardins de Luxemborg, Jardin de Tulieries, Ile Saint Louis, bateau mouche at night... it kicked ass.
Q: Anything outside Paris?
A: Went to Mont Saint Michel on Sunday, which I loved. Went to the WWII museum in Caen, which was also great. (Transport connections got messed up, so I didn't get to go to the Normandy beaches.) Then the whole family met up and we went down to Carcassonne and the barge.
Q: Was the barge as fabulous as it sounds?
A: Even better.... but more on that later. The cat is being needy again.
I'm back. I'm dealing with a hell of a lot of mail, even more laundry, and an exceedingly needy cat. Wendy tells me Bug spent the two weeks sprawled out on the clothes I decided not to pack. Given the amount of cat hair, I believe her.
But you don't care about the cat hair. you want to know about France, right? I'm too tired to give you the whole rundown, so here's my theoretical FAQ:
Q: How was France?
A: Fabulous, thanks.
Q: How was your French?
A: Well, I could get by, but it was a hell of a lot easier letting one of the fluent people do the talking.
Q: Run into any rude French people?
A: A few. Most people were amazingly friendly and helpful, but there were a few nasty folks. I tend to look at them as tourist attractions: "Look! An authentic snotty Parisian! Quick, take a picture!" It really pisses them off.
Q: Did you get sunburned?
A: As I am of the pastey persuasion, yes. I even managed to get sunburned in Paris. This is something of a feat.
Q: Did you get drunk?
A: Hello, I was in France. Wine, Kir, Pastis, all the rest. So, hell yeah.
Q: Drunk enough to humiliate your sisters?
A: No, but I can do that without the aid of alcohol.
Q: Drunk enough to flirt with waiters?
A: See, here's the problem: Most of the time I was eating out with my drop-dead gorgeous sister. So I barely existed. Having said that, I managed when I ate on my own, and also with passport control functionaries in the airport. Why are all the hot men working at CDG all of a sudden?
Q: Did you get laid?
A: Look, I was sharing a room with my sister, then on a boat with my entire family. What do you think?
Q: Did you buy cool clothes?
A: Aforementioned hot sister is a size 6 or 8 in the US. She ended up fitting in size larges and extra-larges in Paris. Apparently, fat people need to have clothes airlifted in to Paris, as everyone there is emaciated.
Q: Did you eat well?
A: Hell yeah! Cheese, chocolate, wine.....Wait, are you implying something?
Q: Not at all. So, um, did you hit the museums and sites?
A: Louvre, Cluny (museum of the middle ages), Sainte Chappelle (amazing stained glass windows), Picasso, Rodin (love the sculpture garden), Notre Dame, Place des Vosge, Jardins de Luxemborg, Jardin de Tulieries, Ile Saint Louis, bateau mouche at night... it kicked ass.
Q: Anything outside Paris?
A: Went to Mont Saint Michel on Sunday, which I loved. Went to the WWII museum in Caen, which was also great. (Transport connections got messed up, so I didn't get to go to the Normandy beaches.) Then the whole family met up and we went down to Carcassonne and the barge.
Q: Was the barge as fabulous as it sounds?
A: Even better.... but more on that later. The cat is being needy again.
posted by SAJ at
2:41 PM
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