We do, in fact, have a roof. I know that for sure now, because I finally got the nerve to go up the damn ladder and take a look at it. I originally thought I'd wiggle through the hatch and go up on the roof, but I discovered that heights increase exponentially when you're actually climbing a ladder. But I did actually see the roof, and I now know we don't have a lightning rod, and I saw where the gutter was, and I verified that there was not, in fact, a meth lab up there. So it's been a productive day.

One of these days I'm actually going to have to go up there and clean the gutters, but not yet. Not until I get a longer, sturdier ladder. And a safety net.