Lotti and Kristin went to the American Idols tour. They frighten me.

I didn't watch American Idols, as reality TV shows turn my stomach. But Lotti's recap of the concert was pretty amusing, so I'm reprinting the good bits:

As we pulled into the parking lot we were thrilled to see that we were not the only persons there over 30 not chaperoning a gaggle of 6th graders. However, when the first performer (Ejay Day) yelled out, "How ya feelin' tonight?", our response was still: "OLD!!"

* The five boy finalists (Ejay, AJ, RJ, Jim and Justin -- a future boy band to be titled "A Conspiracy of J's") did a painful group number of the N'Sync song "Pop." They could not dance and it was quite bad.

* Other than said N'Sync number, most of the songs performed tonight were originally recorded long before most of these AI fans were born (Ejay's Janet Jackson cover of "Black Cat," Nikki's "Rhiannnon" by her idol Stevie Nicks, the whole gang on Kool n' the Gang's "Celebration," etc. etc.) -- so why exactly are these folks cool with the youth o' today?

* No matter how great it is that Chicago is his home town (repeated OVER AND OVER) or how deaf his parents are, Jim still can't sing. At all. And his first number was performed in a semi-see-thru white jumpsuit.

* Neither RJ nor his ardent fans realize he is gay yet, but it is precisely that non-threatening, impossibility-of-sex-happening deal that makes him so appealing to all the preteen girls whose high-pitched screams for him have left me as deaf as Jim's parents.

* Ryan Starr galumphed across the stage gracelessly in each number wearing next to nothing. We opined that Penthouse is the only (final) stage of her career left for her to explore.

* Even though no one seemed to care that girls all over the stadium were regularly bursting blood vessels screaming for Justin, RJ, et al, a chorus of disapproving stares fell on me when I suddenly screamed hysterically for EARTH, WIND & FIRE during the disco montage.

* John and Maneesh will be chagrined to discover, when they get home tonight (they went to a sports bar together in protest of our outing), that we are in fact in love with Justin. He rose from the stage tonight in a cloud of fog and sensitive poet's shirt, like some beautiful young god. He lorded over all us mortals with honey-sweet voice, dripping curls and a look of earnest self-satisfaction. There was nothing left to do but strip him down and anoint him with scented holy oils, before he was turned into a phoenix to soar out over the audience, impregnating several young females on his way back to Mount Olympus. Sigh.

Horrible coincidence of the month: National Geographic Traveler's cover story for October is "Bali -- Still Paradise?"

I'm guessing that's a no.

Foreign policy mysteries explained!
We're talking about the bombs in Bali that killed about 170 people:

wendytii:"Abu Bakar Bashir, a Muslim cleric accused of leading Jemaah Islamiyah, denied involvement and blamed the blast on the United States.
wendytii:"'I suspect that the bombing was engineered by the United States and its allies to justify allegations that Indonesia is a base for terrorists,' he told the AP in telephone interview from Solo
wendytii:"Balinese officials said that only 39 positive identifications had been made, listing 15 Australians, eight Britons, five Singaporeans, six Indonesians, one German, one French citizen, one Dutch citizen, one New Zealander and one Ecuadorean."
wendytii:that was a pretty effective attack on most of the countries in the world, with only two bombs
sjerslix: For fuck's sake. Yeah, the US did it. They found us out.
wendytii:yeah, cuz nobody believes us that Indonesia has terrorists
sjerslix: Yeah. You know all the killing and beheading and such that's been going on in East Timor and other provinces? That's Americans too.
wendytii:right
wendytii:cuz we want to take over Indonesia
wendytii:have been wanting to ever since WWII
sjerslix: Well, they do have oil
sjerslix: and great beaches
wendytii:and volcanos
sjerslix: And satay. it's worth taking over for the satay
wendytii:good point
sjerslix: I'm going to write Bush right now and tell him that: We must defeat the evildoers of Indonesia, and take their satay!
wendytii:mmm satay
sjerslix: See? See? A perfectly reasonable justification for the annihilation of a culture.
sjerslix: The UN would have to agree.
sjerslix: Which makes me wonder -- is there an Iraqi equivalent of satay that Bush is hungry for?
wendytii:goulash!
sjerslix: Hungarian
wendytii:kebabs?
wendytii:falafel?
sjerslix: Maybe...
wendytii:kebabs are on a stick at least
sjerslix: True. And therefore are in keeping with the satay
sjerslix: Does that mean that next we attack Iowa for the corn dogs?
wendytii:I think the corn dogs is where we gained our appreciation of food on sticks
sjerslix: Ah
sjerslix: So, evildoers, beware: Wherever there is a tasty foodstuff on a stick, the US will be there, protecting the American right to munch
wendytii:I think we've figured it out.

Can you think of a better explanation?

Wendy also pointed me to a nice rejoinder to the Trib's plans to launch a paper targeting young readers. My favorite line: "Why do young people read newspapers? Two words: not Britney Spears." Huzzah for the youth of America and their math skills!

He spells his name Darren. Now you know.

Amy and Darren left yesterday. I just got this e-mail from Darren:

Thanks for hosting us ... it was much appreciated. Couldn't have seen the city nearly as well without the geo-beast, and it's fun having another Jersild to torment.

Hope all is well in editing-land. Speaking of which, I'm going to hack into your blog now and correct my name ;-)

Harumph. Hey, at least I asked ... and didn't buy it when he said he spelled it "Daryn."

That brings us to the torment. Darren is Canadian, and therefore has that national kind, open, trustworthy demeanor thing that Canadians tend to have. He also went to university in Britain, where he picked up and/or perfected the talking shite with a straight face thing. As I don't know him well yet, it's very difficult to tell when he's taking the piss and trying to get a reaction out of me. It's been a while since I've dealt with Brit-types, and I'm out of practice. It's very frustrating. I'm supposed to be the dry snarky one. Not you.

The other thing he did, for which I will probably never forgive him, is pointing out my "pretty much" habit. I had no idea I did this, but apparently, I tend to say "pretty much, yeah" in many, many situations. He started parroting it back to me. Now, I'm acutely conscious of it... about 2 seconds after I start saying it. Drives me NUTS. I'll get you for this, Darren....

Otherwise, the visit went well. Darren and Wendy and I geeked out about sci-fi shows and MUDs and such while Amy looked on in horror; we showed off the Northwestern campus, where I remembered much about my college years and Amy contributed gems like "that's the field where two men fought over me"; Amy trotted Darren out to see a bunch of her friends (apparently they approve); we went to Wishbone for the kick-ass crunchy french toast; and generally life was good. Also, I managed to intercept my copy of the "Best New Restaurants" issue of Chicago Magazine when Amy tried to smuggle it out with her. Why would she do that? Well, she needs to be able to plan her restaurant reservations for the next time she visits. I explained to her that I actually live here and will probably get most use out of it than she will on her biannual visits, but she was unconvinced. We avoided violence and I didn't have to frisk her at the door, but it was a close thing.