More Olympic ranting. You have been warned.

So why do they make the female gymnasts wear sparkling costumes and do their floor exercises to music? Is it so we won't think about how this little pixie can bench-press you? Or so we don't think about the incredible punishment these little girls are putting their bodies through?

Of course, if I'm going to get all self-righteous about it, I should probably not support it by not watching it. And that's out of the question. Oooh, shiny....

So, instead, I'll continue yelling at the announcers.

OK, assholes. They promo this interview with Svetlana Khorkina with "You won't believe what she has to say about how much she wants to win." I'm going to overlook the stupidity of saying "Svetlana Khorkina walks with a swagger that isn't just for show -- even though it is," which is nonsensical (I'm guessing they mean "even though it is at least partly for show," as opposed to "I will just contradict my last phrase." Yes, my rewrite is clumsy. You know what? That probably means it wasn't good enough to open the damn piece in the first place.)

Wait, sorry, I got derailed. So, promo said something to the effect of "Dear god, this woman is insane when it comes to wanting the gold! A berserker! Nuts, we tell you, nuts!" Well, I think, this is going to be good. Obviously she says something like "I want to rend the limbs of my enemies" or "I will slit my throat if I don't win." But what does she say?

"I want to win as badly as I want to mother my own child."

The announcer marvels -- she wants to win as much as she wants to have a kid! That's insane! that's extreme! That's....

Wait a minute. That's normal.

The chick is 25. If she's like many elite gymnasts, she hasn't even started to menstruate yet, because she's putting her body through such incredible punishment that she simply doesn't have enough body fat to make that her ovaries work. She's worked her whole life for this, has been a world-class athlete for at least a decade, has been to three Olympic games... and you're amazed that she thinks winning a gold is as important as maybe putting her womb to use someday? You're surprised by this? You, sir, an asshole. That whole shock-surprise-damn-she's-crazily-intense reaction betrays a couple of things, which you may or may not have meant:

1. The most important, if not only important, thing a woman can do with her life is bear a child, and
   
2. Any woman who focuses on something other than wanting a child is obviously insane.

Not every woman wants to have kids. We can pursue all sorts of creative, fulfilling, important works that doesn't involve zygotes. If she does choose to have a child later in her life -- and she's 25, she's got time -- more power to her. If not, that doesn't make her any less valuable a person. We're not quite so worried about perpetuating the species anymore, so I don't think we have to make every woman fulfill her biological potential to make new little people.

You want to replay something obnoxious she said? How about "there weren't any shining stars out there that could really challenge her." That's arrogant. That's obnoxious. Saying she thinks winning a gold would be on par with having a kid? Especially when you're 25? Duh. Why the hell else would you put yourself through it if you didn't want it that bad?

God, you drive me nuts, announcer guy.

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More disconnected rantings:

"Guys, where is this French gymnastics coming from?" I dunno, maybe... FRANCE? Oh, you mean why are they so pumped? Yeah, I still think you sounded stupid.

Out of curiosity, why don't the women do flip turns in swimming? Do the men? I can't remember from last night. Wait, men's backstroke -- hmm, they do the flip turn in backstroke (which is freaky, as they have to turn over to do the flip turn), but I don't know about the other strokes. We'll see. [Later: OK, women do the flip turn on 100m free, but men didn't for the IM, except for back. Weird. I have no idea what the deal is with this.]

Oh, sorry, I keep trying to mock the swimming commentators, but I get distracted by the pretty, pretty men. There's even controversy and everything, and lots of talking, but.... oooh, loooooooook. Homina homina homina.

Sorry, what was that?

OK, stupid judge. Look, don't ask the athletes to talk about how they feel. Just have them take their shirts off.

Sorry, was that out loud again?

Does anyone else yelp when the gymnasts land on the beam with their crotch? That just looks painful as hell. And yes, I know, that's part of the routine, but ow.

I don't think I could even sit on the damn balance beam without falling off it, much less do handsprings across it. Back to the stupid, rather than the insulting: "Lot of difficult gymnastics at the Olympics...." No, really?

Dammit! I think I missed about 15 minutes or so, and my TiVo tried to switch channels and therefore "forgot" the stuff I hasn't watched yet on the live TV. I missed Svetlana Khorkina floor exercise. Curses.

Congrats to Carly Patterson on the women's gymnastic gold.