Oh, technology, why have you forsaken me? First my HappyMac has a seizure, then my cable modem cuts out, and finally DirecTV craps out for a hour smack-dab in the middle of the two shows I recap. I was able to get tapes from Angie (thank you, Angie!) but come on, tech, what's up with you? If I can't watch and recap those shows, I don't get paid. If I don't get paid, I can't continue funding your existence in my life. Surely that's not too hard to understand?

Maybe you're feeling neglected, or you're tired of me going full-on freelancer and not showering for days at a time and working in my threadbare pajamas. Listen, technology, I'm sorry. If I'd known you cared, I would have made an effort. I just didn't think our relationship was, you know, that way. I thought you loved me for my mind, for my witty repartee, for my relentless obsession with you. But if I have to start wearing hte push-up bra to keep you happy -- well, so be it. I can't guarantee how long that will last, of course. You knkow I tend towards sloth and squalor, and I always have. But I'll start keeping your needs in mind, too.

Just quit freezing up on me when I need you, technology. I can't go back to living without highspeed access or TiVo. I just can't!