Dear Jeffrey: You will be the first recipient of my new book, "Just because you're an artist, that doesn't mean you're allowed to be an asshole." I'm still working on the title. Maybe "Artist need not equal asshole" or "Talent need not equal tantrum." Or maybe those will be the bumper stickers.

Because, seriously, it's not all about you. Also, your yellow tartan dress was hideous, no matter what the judges say. Plus, you're a miserable human being, so even if I liked the dress, I'd still despise you. So kindly shut the hell up, ok?

Also, judges, stop encouraging him. Seriously.